I love love love Ibarra. Not for just the food but for the people that I am surrounded by day in and day out. I like the small town feel. Where I would be able to go out and do things on my own without being afraid or getting a taxi. Guayaquil can not be compared because they are literally two different worlds. Where I live there are shopping malls and nice restaurants which reminds me of the lifestyle I was trying to move away from. I came to live a simpler life, one that included less stress and more ME. That is not what I have gotten and going back to Ibarra showed me that. Have I sold myself short? Have I transplanted my life in Charlotte to here in Ecuador? Am I really satisfied with what I am doing? Could I live in Ibarra and be happy, even with it being such a small place? Is Guayaquil a place I am just suppose to move through to make my transition into Ecuador easier? Considering when you move somewhere the relationship with that place changes, do I want that change to happen with Ibarra and I? Could I find a job in Ibarra? Would I like that job as much as I like my job now? These questions have been running through my head all week and I can't seem to answer any of them with a definitive answer. I have been praying, not as much as I should but I know hes there.
So has God decided to visit me today. He has provided me with two telling signs...I opened my email this morning and the TED Talk of the week is called "How To Make Hard Choices". I laughed out loud. Really? Of all the talks that could have been choosen this week, it had to be this one? I watched and its an interesting concept that I altered my perspective of making hard decisions. Please watch if interested from this link: http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2014-06-21&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_image
Second sign was posted by a friend that is actually also on a journey of a life time. He quit his job and has been traveling over the past year. He is going from one place to the next never really having a plan, but getting jobs as he goes to pay for the next adventure. I talked to him last night via FaceTime(He is in Australia) and he said I need to do what is best for me because I am replaceable at any job. The other point that stuck out was the he said no one else is looking out for my happiness as much as I am. This is selfish but so true. This it me hard in the gut. What he just said is so true and yet it hurts my feelings to know that. So we said our goodbyes and let that conversation simmer all day today. Tonight before writing this, I am procrastinating from writing a literature review for my masters, I was poking around Facebook, the number one comsumer of procrastinating time:) His post to someone else came up on my news feed reading:20-Year-Old Hunter S. Thompson’s Superb Advice on How to Find Your Purpose and Live a Meaningful Life by Maria Popova “It is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it.” (THIS ARTICLE IS KINDA LONG BUT ONE TO REMEMBER SO PLEASE READ IF YOU HAVE TIME!) Okay God I get it, I need to reevaluate.
Combined with my amazing weekend and these two clips have started the train again on making me think, from my experience thus far, who have I become? Am I happy? Have my goals changed because who I am as a person has changed from this move? I know for a fact that I will not live a life of quiet desperation as my boy Thoreau once said. But don't know if the life I have created here in Guayaquil matches the life I had set out for. I can't answer this in a day or a week so I will continue to ponder and look for signs, keep doing my yoga. In the mean time I will keep swimming toward my goals of getting my masters, being the best science teacher possible, and working on ME. I know one of these days swimming this hard is going to exhaust me and I will need a break. What that break looks like, we will ALL see. In the mean time I plan to use my grit and keep it movin!!
I promise I wont be so long to write next time. Chao Bella! (Just something I've started to say especially because there are SOO many italians around here!)