I can not fathom why these people will not let me squeeze in. Last week I rode to the beach, being 2 hours away with six people in a five person car. Why on earth can these women find it in there heart to not let me squish in? There excuse thus far is that one of them is pregnant...so that girl rides in the front. Can you tell I am frustrated. I think this is making me so mad because if I was the driver I would put my foot down and say yes sure! It is only 10 minutes of being uncomfortable, why not?
Other options are riding the bus. This is possible yet I would have to cross six lanes of traffic in the morning rush hour. Most people do but with high danger because of the speed of the cars passing. Plus I would have to walk about a mile to get to the school from where the bus drops me off, all in 85 degree temperatures. Do you know what that is like when you sweat like a man? Might not be the best option.
What about a taxi you ask? Well it will cost around 8 dollars per day times 20 days in a month, that's a $160 dollars per month. That is almost 1/4 of my salary... yeah right!!!! So it puts me back in the predicament that getting a ride with another teacher is the most viable option and to have these women decide they would be uncomfortable breaks my heart. It just seems unfair and nothing I would every do to someone else. I think that is why I am struggling the most is why they are deciding to do this. I keep asking myself maybe I am not seeing there side because I am so desperate. Maybe the driver doesn't feel comfortable with breaking the law? Maybe one person has a germ problem and the thought of squeezing is to much, she probably shouldn't work with children, just sayin.
What ever the case may be I am stressed and missing my car. The independence that a car brings to a person is invaluable. I can honestly say I have never felt this dependent on others and I am struggling with this feeling. It seems helpless, desperate and I hate it. Will I ever adjust to this? God I do hope so. I dont want to be reliant on a car or other people, or maybe I am always going to be so I better make the decision of what I want the terms to be. Do I get a decision right now? Im not sure at this point. I feel like I am at the mercy of the situation. For now I will feel uncomfortable always asking others for rides, options, and common sense questions. Until I decided what I want or require I am learning to move through the anxiety and staying focused. Home seems so far away with this feeling even though it is the same distance as when I am happy. I will live, just might be a little grumpy for now.