As open as I have been with me writing a blog, I have a huge fear of writing in a formal setting. I have started my master's and this fear is taking over again and I have to pass it by, no road blocks in Ecuador! I have memories of getting papers back in highschool through university and immediately sweat filling my palms. The constant song that I heard was..."You suck at writing Alison and so prepare yourself for the comments". Sometimes I would get a great grade and other times I would get marked highly off due to the poor mechanics of sentence structure and unfocused content, not to mention poor grammar. This would in turn make me procrastinate to start writing the next paper even longer. Procrastination would eat up the time I should have been writing with fear and leave only enough time to write, edit once and print. That is no writing process but I sqeezed by on it until now. I This master's program is more demanding and I am really going to have to put the time in to produce well written papers. What I have to acknowledge is that I have been writing in a professional setting since I graduated college. I have learned how to make things sound mature and well thought out. I have become a notorious email editor and helped my last boss edit things all the time. The experience of her constant positive feedback allowed me to feel what it is like to believe that I am a good writer. I think that's how I knew I could do this blog.
Its crazy how easily we can forget what we just learned and revert back to our old ways. I have been procrastinating on writing this paper, including writing this post right now instead of doing it. haha. What I am figuring out in this moment is that I am a good writer that is capable of writing to a master's level. I can do this without fear of "not being good enough". I have grown as a writer without being graded in the academic setting but I just caught myself editing my first paper knowning I had already turned it in for the final draft(I will get to resubmit it at the end of semester so its not wasted edits). Unknowingly, I have established a good habit of editing and re-editing. I will be able to do this if I do not procrastinate based on a old fear and start enjoying the process. I am trying to teach my kids that if you take the time during an experiment and not just rush to the end you will learn more. Maybe I need to enjoy the writing process and not just want it to be over already.
Just to set up the scene on where I am writing this...sitting in the living room with Maca and a friend that is studying for a sociology exam on the universtiy level. They are so cute with their random banter of boys and food intertwined with memorization of facts that will be addressed on the exam. I remember those days of cramming and by lunch time the next day, not remember a single thing. Undergrad sometimes seems so long ago but moments like these brings back the long nights in the library, cafeteria food, and silly laughs with my best friend, lo. Speaking of reflecting this upcoming week will be one to remember. My brother-in-law, Alex is coming to visit me on Tuesday and will be able to celebrate my 25th birthday on Thursday. Kids at school thought that I was 19 years old, sure I will take that!! 25 is half way to 50 and that sounds cra cra! BUT probably for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have accomplished something in this last year. Sounds like a good next post!
Its crazy how easily we can forget what we just learned and revert back to our old ways. I have been procrastinating on writing this paper, including writing this post right now instead of doing it. haha. What I am figuring out in this moment is that I am a good writer that is capable of writing to a master's level. I can do this without fear of "not being good enough". I have grown as a writer without being graded in the academic setting but I just caught myself editing my first paper knowning I had already turned it in for the final draft(I will get to resubmit it at the end of semester so its not wasted edits). Unknowingly, I have established a good habit of editing and re-editing. I will be able to do this if I do not procrastinate based on a old fear and start enjoying the process. I am trying to teach my kids that if you take the time during an experiment and not just rush to the end you will learn more. Maybe I need to enjoy the writing process and not just want it to be over already.
Just to set up the scene on where I am writing this...sitting in the living room with Maca and a friend that is studying for a sociology exam on the universtiy level. They are so cute with their random banter of boys and food intertwined with memorization of facts that will be addressed on the exam. I remember those days of cramming and by lunch time the next day, not remember a single thing. Undergrad sometimes seems so long ago but moments like these brings back the long nights in the library, cafeteria food, and silly laughs with my best friend, lo. Speaking of reflecting this upcoming week will be one to remember. My brother-in-law, Alex is coming to visit me on Tuesday and will be able to celebrate my 25th birthday on Thursday. Kids at school thought that I was 19 years old, sure I will take that!! 25 is half way to 50 and that sounds cra cra! BUT probably for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have accomplished something in this last year. Sounds like a good next post!