I write from a place of disappointment. frustration. failure. That of which is warranted and more of me being hard on myself. I began this journey of being a teacher 10 months ago. I have seen, done, heard and felt it all. But today I am feeling particularly defeated. Yeah in the general scheme of things my students not comprehending division is a tiny detail. But for me it seems life changing. Why? Because as a teacher I feel like I am doing something wrong for them to not understand, learn and master this life skill. Think about how many times a day you divide things mentally, if not we mostly use calculators. But those of us that are using calculators are probably not in a profession of math. I want my students to be thinkers. I want them to be capable of taking a problem and solving it. I want them to create things in which division is necessary. I want them to excel in algebra, chemistry, physics, and simply life. I want them to be their best and for some reason I feel that I haven’t given them the tools to do that.
Of course, I can’t take all the responsibility but in this second of time I feel as though I have failed them. I am at fault. And the worst part is that I have done my best for them and yet it feels as though it is not good enough. I have this pain-staking fear that I am not good enough to take on a responsibility as big as this. It might sound silly but I take this job very seriously and have invested my heart and soul into these kids. These students have become apart of my being. I love them so much, when they don’t succeed I feel the guilt, the fear, and am disappointed. I am sure all teachers go through this anxiety from time to time but for me it is painful and emotional.
Tomorrow is a new day. One that brings me hope, joy of their smiling faces, and even more importantly a new opportunity to teach them. I must go with an attitude of greatness rather than defeat and continue to do my best. That is all that the lord has given me and thus I can.
Of course, I can’t take all the responsibility but in this second of time I feel as though I have failed them. I am at fault. And the worst part is that I have done my best for them and yet it feels as though it is not good enough. I have this pain-staking fear that I am not good enough to take on a responsibility as big as this. It might sound silly but I take this job very seriously and have invested my heart and soul into these kids. These students have become apart of my being. I love them so much, when they don’t succeed I feel the guilt, the fear, and am disappointed. I am sure all teachers go through this anxiety from time to time but for me it is painful and emotional.
Tomorrow is a new day. One that brings me hope, joy of their smiling faces, and even more importantly a new opportunity to teach them. I must go with an attitude of greatness rather than defeat and continue to do my best. That is all that the lord has given me and thus I can.